yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
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I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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