my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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