I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
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My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
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I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
soo... how was my night?
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