Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer