Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.