That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
