We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.