So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.