Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
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I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
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she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach