oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.