Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?