Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
