I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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