You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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