that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
