In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
