i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
