My brain says no but my pants say off.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
