I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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