Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
