All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize