Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
