Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
