Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm so fucking centered right now
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
