: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
