wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She announced her abortion via fbk
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
