I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
