4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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