I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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