hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
