Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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