Betty ford says i'm here all night
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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