The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
