You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
