Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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