Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
