She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
