i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
