with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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