Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
