Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
