I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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