Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
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The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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