Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
