Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
