He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
