I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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