and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
