So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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