It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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