3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize