Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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