It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
