oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
