I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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