I saw his package. It spoke to me.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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