You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
