i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
