We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
