i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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