you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
