fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We have started to decorate penises.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
