last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
