I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
