Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
