It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
