You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
