This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
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Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.