please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.