i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
