Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
